Wednesday, August 02, 2006

A Little Rant...

...about bad manners.

I participated in the June 2006 DTC Group's first cybershower last month. The theme was Red, White, and Blue. As soon as I had the name of the person I was supposed to shower, I went to Target and purchased several baby items that fit the theme. Then I wrapped them and mailed them. I emailed the person I was sending the gifts to, just to let her know they were on the way.

No response.

Several weeks pass.

I email her again to ask if she'd received them, or not.

No response.

So, this is really bugging me, because I want to know that she received the package. I don't expect her to fawn all over me with gratitude, but I'd like a simple acknowledgement. Just now I checked the database for the June DTC group, and I see that she has a blog. I wander on over to her blog to see what's going on in her life. She's been blogging away, but makes no mention of her cybershower gifts.

Am I wrong to expect her to acknowledge receipt of the gifts I sent? Is it worth commenting on her blog about it?

I guess you don't have to have good manners to adopt a baby from China...

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Update: I posted a little reminder on the June DTC group last night. Only two people have responded. The first was sweet, but offered possible excuses for the situation. The next person who responded admitted that she had not thanked the person who sent her a gift, but that she'd moved in that time and been without a computer, etc. She was not my cybershower match.

Then Johnny's post today reminds me that just because we're all sharing the experience of adopting from China, doesn't mean that we would all be friends in the real world - that there's a diversity of opinions and behaviors in this community.

And, with that, I'm letting it go!

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Update #2: I guess I'm not letting it go. The recipient of my gift responded this morning by posting to the group. She didn't acknowledge that she had recieved my gift and was now saying thank you. She was just angry with me for posting about it at all - mind you, I never referred to her by name, I just pointed out that we should be saying thank you and that I hadn't heard from my pal, yet.

This is something that I really don't like about these Yahoo groups. It seems like people are very quick to get angry with one another. Another thing that baffles me is why people want to make excuses for themselves or others for not saying thank you. It's such a simple thing to do. Yes, life is busy. I know that firsthand, but unless you or a loved one is in a coma you should say thank you.

So, I guess I look like the bad guy now for bringing it up. Whatever...

27 Comments:

  • At 4:25 PM, Blogger AprilMay said…

    Unfortunately, you don't have to have good manners to be a parent either, as I have met MANY with none in my profession, as I'm sure YOU have! I hope that, for some reason, she did not receive them, because a postal error is better than outright rudeness. I'm sorry! :(

     
  • At 4:35 PM, Blogger Connie said…

    That (excuse me) sucks, Joannah! Check the email link on her blog. Is it the same one you have sent messages to? Maybe something went awry there. If it's different, email her blog addy. If you get no response from that then there's nothing much more one can say except that I hope her daughter-to-be is genetically wired somehow with better manners!

     
  • At 4:57 PM, Blogger Joannah said…

    Connie, I just checked and it's the same address. Great idea though!

    After reading this person's blog entry by entry, I think I'm dealing with someone who's very "young" and self-absorbed.

    I shouldn't let it get to me.

     
  • At 5:27 PM, Blogger Mariah said…

    Wow, that is very strange! It would bother me too! I want to say "thank you" for her because I know whatever you sent her was chosen with such care and marvelous as well!

     
  • At 5:42 PM, Blogger Michelle said…

    No, you're not wrong at all. It doesn't take a lot to send a simple e-mail saying thanks and that she received your gift. Bummer!

     
  • At 5:45 PM, Blogger Christi said…

    I noticed with our secret pal group some people were very late in mailing things out each month and I thought it must have been so disappointing to the people on the recieving end. I'm like you, I can't wait to get my gifts out!

     
  • At 6:05 PM, Blogger Jennifer "Jenny" said…

    I don't think your wrong at all. I put a lot of thought in my gifts and like to know what the receiver thinks of them. (That's more fun to me than receiving gifts myself) I was involved with 6 different swaps within my Nov Dtc group. 3 have since ended. I don't always post my swaps on my blog but we always post our thanks on my Dtc board. That said my secret pal went 2 months without acknowledging my gifts. I was disappointed and wondered if she liked the gifts. Evidently she was not the only one that didn't acknowledge their gifts. The Secret Pal swap organizer posted on our board that receivers needed to acknowledge their gifts or they would be dropped from the swap. I think it is just bad manners not to.

     
  • At 7:27 PM, Blogger Jenny said…

    That is so bad....I can't imagine doing that to anyone. I love hearing how people liked what I gave. RUDE, is what I say!! : (

     
  • At 8:27 AM, Blogger Shannon S said…

    Inexcusable behavior. We don't have to be cyber-friends, but we should acknowledge the kindness of others. That person didn't have to participate after all. And knowing your style and thoughtfulness, your present most likely rocked!

     
  • At 10:14 AM, Blogger Wicked Witch said…

    Some people!!!

     
  • At 10:16 AM, Blogger Kim said…

    For what it's worth, you're not alone. I sent my SP gifts for several months, only receiving one acknowledgement, even after the moderator contacted her to make sure she received them. I refused to continue sending gifts to her. Last month I was assigned a new SP. I sent her gift, and no thank you from her either. I give up and will not be wasting my time, effort or money on people who lack the common courtesy to say thank you.

     
  • At 10:53 AM, Blogger Julie said…

    Wow! So she has time to read your blog, time to complain about you, but not time to thank you! She really needs to examine her personal behavior and stop being so defensive when she can't back it up.

    I didn't read Johnny's post but am inclined to agree with him in the manner you shared. I have a peer who has adopted from China and I thought we would be the best of friends, but I became disappointed after my numerous attempts to bond were not reciprocated in the manner I thought. All kinds of people adopt and while you would think people would support each other, it isn't always going to happen, sadly.

    Hey I just want to point out my verification word for this was "jojill" - joannah/jillian! ; )

     
  • At 11:45 AM, Blogger Jodie said…

    Uh-uh, NO WAY. You should definately not feel bad for bringing that up! It's common courtesy to say "Hey, thanks!" when someone gives you something. Most of us put alot of thought and effort into our secret pal gifts, and those efforts should be acknowledged, period. It baffles me that some people don't feel that "urge" to want to thank others for their thoughfulness???!

    There. Now I feel better, because one of my secret pals NEVER thanked me for my big cyber-shower gift! (I still think about it, and wonder if she even got the gift?!) Ugh.

     
  • At 1:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I ended up with a SP who didn't post about receiving my gifts for over three months! Each month I would put a lot into the gifts and get them sent out in time and so fourth I do understand how it feels to have this happen, absolutely no excuse for it!!!

    Kimberly Evans

     
  • At 1:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My pal ended up getting dropped from the swap!


    Kimberly Evans

     
  • At 3:21 PM, Blogger Connie said…

    You're one of the most mannerly 'bad guys' I have ever met.

    Oh well, just roll that one up and toss it over your shoulder. Wait...that's littering and very bad manners ;0)

    Sorry you got a secret pal sans common courtesy!

     
  • At 7:06 PM, Blogger Stephanie said…

    To be honest, this is why I never signed up for any DTC/LID group. Who needs this kind of crap!

    Having said that, you can mail me all you want - I'll be sure to thank you on my blog!

     
  • At 7:31 PM, Blogger Julie said…

    This whole thing just BUGS me. I was thinking about it on the drive home. I know you can fend for yourself but someone on that board better have stood up for you!

     
  • At 8:19 PM, Blogger Catherine said…

    It's not fun at all! I'm dealing with the same problem. Our swap has been going on for 4 months and so far...1 thank you the very first month. After that...nada.

    She's been contacted by our coordinator but isn't responding to her either.

    Sadly the childish part of me is coming out. Each month I have spent more than the allotted amount and always included gifts for her other 2 children. This month she'll get the bare minimum although I'll still find a little something for her other kids. Why should they suffer for having an ungrageful mother?

    I'm even tempted to add a note, 'A little thank you goes a long way' but don't think I have the courage to do it.

    Sure takes the fun out of buying that's for sure! I have an awesome pal sending to me and I make sure she knows how thankful I am.

    I'm just hoping the person my ungrateful SP is sending to is receiving her gifts. The coordinator is looking into that. If not, I'm going to ask to start sending to her SP. Time will tell.

     
  • At 9:07 PM, Blogger Sandy said…

    Ok, if I understand this situation, the receiver lets weeks go by without even at least acknowledging receipt, much less saying thank you, then gets upset because you post a global reminder message to the group?!? How frustrating for you and your first instinct in your post was probably right, that the person seemed into themself. It seems someone wouldn't be so upset if they weren't guilty! You didn't do anything wrong, just remember that this too shall pass...

     
  • At 9:26 PM, Blogger Joannah said…

    Thank you all for posting. It's nice to have your support. I also feel better knowing that I'm not the only one to have this kind of experience and to feel this sort of frustration.

    (((group hug)))

     
  • At 10:26 PM, Blogger Tammy said…

    Well, on a good note, you now know she received her gifts.

    I'm not familiar with secret pal swap things, but I hope you're not stuck with this bad-mannered person.

     
  • At 7:04 AM, Blogger Eileen said…

    Ugh. No one forced her to participate in the swap. I hate when this happens. I've had some "dud" partners in the past and some good ones. I had a good pal for the SepDTC group Secret Pal (swap ended in March, when we started it we thought we might have our referrals by then, HA!). I did a bib swap with the Oct group, got some great bibs. Now I'm doing a sock swap with Sep and so far so good, but I think that is it for swaps now (even though I've been mighty tempted by a few new ones in the Oct group!). Now I just WANT MY REFERRAL!!!!!!!

     
  • At 4:21 PM, Blogger Tamara said…

    ooh, I'm mad for you. I too get so annoyed when you make the effort to do something for someone and they don't even acknowledge it. What's up with that? My Mom always said "you don't have to say thank you but if you don't you have to give it back!"

     
  • At 1:37 PM, Blogger K. said…

    Okay, that's just wrong of her. You know- as a teacher- I see it all the time. Some people are raised with manners and others aren't. Some of the ones who aren't are not trying to be mean- they're just oblivious and unaware of manners. I think it's a serious, sad situation in the world! At least you can hold your head high.

     
  • At 4:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    As a Mom to two munchkins - 7 and 5, when I was on the yahoo groups, I was always excluded from the chat - I finally got myself off after the second one. Joanne, please don't beat yourself to death on this one, let it go. You have more friends here in "blogger land" than on the yahoo group.

    Truthfully after you received Jillian and other's from the group, you will find the group slowly goes down to zero in posting - trust me, I finally had to get myself deleted from the group - every month there was "no activities".

    Continue to share with us and we will give you all the support you need.

    Sherrie in Surf City USA (aka Huntington Beach, CA)

     
  • At 4:41 PM, Blogger Joannah said…

    Thank you, Sherrie!

    Would you like to join Michelle, Shelly, and me on Wednesday night for a little visit over at Bella Terra?

     

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