This post has been a long time coming because I had to be very sure before I wrote everything down and shared it with all of you.
Earlier this year I came to a fork in the road of my life. On one side of the fork, I could continue to wait for my referral for a daughter from China.
On the other side of the fork, I could marry the man I love and have a family with him. I couldn't do both, though, because...
Time is running out. I will be 40 at the end of the year, but my ob/gyn assures me it's not too late.
The wait has grown, and it's become impossible to predict when my referral can be expected. We all know that painfully well.
A decision had to be made.
I have chosen to marry Michael and forfeit the adoption. We will be married on November 11, 2007. I spoke with my agency earlier, and they are in the process of pulling my dossier.
It is bitter to walk away from this dream of a precious little girl I've called Jillian Rose. When I began this process two years ago next month, I fully anticipated that I would become a mother this very year. The wait has been as heartbreaking for me as it has been for anyone I suppose. Honestly, I have a lot of resentment towards the "powers that be" in Chin@ for drastically changing the timing of this process.
But it is sweet to be marrying my best friend and the love of my life. Very, very sweet.
I have come to know so many wonderful people in this community. I can't imagine not keeping up with your blogs and following along with those of you continuing to wait for your referrals, those of you traveling, and those of you living the good life with your babies. I also cannot imagine not continuing to blog for myself. I have grown to love this outlet. So, I'm starting a new blog that I'm calling All Things New, and I hope you will join me there from here on out. It's still under construction, but I hope to jazz it up real soon.
In closing, thank you for all of the friendship you have shown me. Thank you for the words of encouragement when I was feeling low. Thank you for your generosity. I have so many lovely things - I hope we'll be blessed with a girl! I will also understand if you feel that you'd like to have me return a gift you gave to me with the intention of it being for a baby adopted from China. So, if you feel that way, please email me and I'll happily return your item to you.